Tag Archives: work

Unnecessary suncreen

Picture summer: buzzing cicadas, beach towels, kids with juiceboxes, women in revealing bikinis, and lazy bike rides. Now picture summer in the Bay Area:

That's right.

That’s right.

When I picture summer I smell sad, unnecessary sunscreen and angry, freezing tourists. And as much as I hate them taking my parking places and walking in the middle of the street, I feel for them, I really do. Because they come here, from maybe the Central Valley, and maybe further, expecting sunny California, the golden state, to dish out yellow beaches and piña colada weather. Not in California del Norte, oh no. Continue reading

This isn’t what it looks like

Work was an adventure today.

I was minding my own business, just sitting outside during my 15 minute legally required break.

"Legally required" is always stressed when my coworkers disappear for thirty minutes at a time.

“Legally required” is always stressed when my coworkers disappear for thirty minutes at a time.

I was out on the patio with my newspaper (fine, my iphone) enjoying a relaxing bowl of soup (20% off), when one of the neighbors walked up. Being a neighbor, he spends more time in the store than most of the employees. He was carrying a bottle of tequila to take to the party going on down the block. Not for the other party-goers, but for him. Realizing, and rightly so, that he wasn’t supposed to carry a half-full bottle of Hornitos inside, he asked me to watch it for him. I obliged.

So there I was, eating my soup and reading the news in front of the store, with a bottle of tequila sitting on the table in front of me.

At which point one of my bosses decided to walk up. Continue reading

Just Another Boring List

I don’t feel like thinking about the daily prompt. So here’s a boring transcription of my routine on Tuesdays:

1) wake up, agonize over the futility of life as I realize that my alarm has fallen underneath my bed, and I have to get out to press snooze

2) drag dog with me into the main house

3) put cloth on myself, contemplate going to school nude Continue reading

If I had a hammer…I’d hammer all da boys

Let’s see… if I could learn a trade, I’d learn carpentry so I could hammer all the boys and get some wood. Electrical work would be helpful, because it’s important to know what plugs go where, if you know what I mean. I’d also learn to cook…up some lovin’. And knowing how to plumb would be nice, but I’m not going to subject you to the dirty double entendre I thought up for that one. Continue reading

12 Ways to Have Fun in Retail

I work the counter in a small grocery store. It’s a terribly mind numbing job. To entertain myself, I’ve had to take drastic measures.

12 Ways to Have Fun in Retail

1. Ask teenagers and young people if they qualify for the senior discount. When they laugh and say no, act embarrassed and apologetic. Continue reading