Picture summer: buzzing cicadas, beach towels, kids with juiceboxes, women in revealing bikinis, and lazy bike rides. Now picture summer in the Bay Area:
When I picture summer I smell sad, unnecessary sunscreen and angry, freezing tourists. And as much as I hate them taking my parking places and walking in the middle of the street, I feel for them, I really do. Because they come here, from maybe the Central Valley, and maybe further, expecting sunny California, the golden state, to dish out yellow beaches and piña colada weather. Not in California del Norte, oh no. Continue reading →
I was minding my own business, just sitting outside during my 15 minute legally required break.
“Legally required” is always stressed when my coworkers disappear for thirty minutes at a time.
I was out on the patio with my newspaper (fine, my iphone) enjoying a relaxing bowl of soup (20% off), when one of the neighbors walked up. Being a neighbor, he spends more time in the store than most of the employees. He was carrying a bottle of tequila to take to the party going on down the block. Not for the other party-goers, but for him. Realizing, and rightly so, that he wasn’t supposed to carry a half-full bottle of Hornitos inside, he asked me to watch it for him. I obliged.
So there I was, eating my soup and reading the news in front of the store, with a bottle of tequila sitting on the table in front of me.
Let’s see… if I could learn a trade, I’d learn carpentry so I could hammer all the boys and get some wood. Electrical work would be helpful, because it’s important to know what plugs go where, if you know what I mean. I’d also learn to cook…up some lovin’. And knowing how to plumb would be nice, but I’m not going to subject you to the dirty double entendre I thought up for that one. Continue reading →