Tag Archives: university

A Healthy Dose of Pessimism: Changing Majors

You know you’re a college student when people stop telling you to follow your dreams.

That's because these dreams are stupid, especially with space entering the competitive market. Stick with firefighting kids, because now only the rich can be astronauts.

That’s because these dreams are stupid, especially with space entering the competitive market. Stick with firefighting kids, because now only the rich can be astronauts.

You know you’re a very screwed college student when you don’t know what those stupid dreams even are. This is why I switched my major today from Music Industry to English. Continue reading


Why This Week Blows

I haven’t written in a long time (a problem which I will address later), but have decided to wield my keyboard again in a misguided attempt to change the world. Or rather, I will talk about myself, seeing as there is so little I know about the world.

Why this week blows:

1) Blizzards

Completely real blizzard Juno blew into the East Coast with the fury of an anti-vaxxer on an online forum. I was subjected to temperatures in the teens, icicles threatening to impale me at every awning, and, later, the perils of black ice and slush. The snowfall earlier this week only added to the slushy disaster that is Boston’s roads, screwing with public transit and with my innocent Californian expectations of winter. Meanwhile, at home it is 60°. Continue reading

I get catcalled for the first time

Last week I was catcalled. It was on the minor side: “Hey, hun, why don’t you smile?”, but a catcall nonetheless. Now, I really wanted to spin around and go all feminist on the perp’s ass. “Look, asshole, women aren’t walking down the street so you can look at our pretty faces, you can go fuck yourself.” Or something of the like. So I turned on the spot to put him in his place.

Except he was a disabled man in a wheelchair. And I wasn’t sure what to do. “Alright, dumbfuck, you have no idea what it’s like to be part of a large group of oppressed people who are only just now making large strides in equality. Nevermind that disabled people are in the exact same situation. Sure, you have no legs, but do you know what it’s like to not have equal pay? Oh wait…you do? Fuck, man…”

So instead I muttered, “Uh, I guess I’ll think about it,” and hightailed put my headphones in. A friend of mine suggested I should have said, “That was uncalled for and normally I’d go all feminist on your ass, but I’m just going to walk away.” (It’s funny because he can’t. I’m a really horrible person.)

I was also street harassed by some foreign high school boys on a bus. “Aye, you are a-very pret-ty! I would-a fuck-a that-a!” I know they were high school boys because they were hanging out the windows of a yellow school bus. I know they were foreign because of their thick accents.

I never experienced street harassment on the west coast. Maybe it’s because I lived in a small town, maybe it’s because everyone on the west coast was substantially prettier than me, but it didn’t happen to me there. The opposite happened. Once, a homeless man called me an “uptight hippy bitch”, which is an oxymoron. Which I pointed out. That was a mistake, and a story to be told another day.

This comes as a surprise because I never considered myself attractive enough to be catcalled. Turns out, that was entirely arbitrary idea, because catcalling doesn’t make you feel attractive. There’s a great artist named Tatyana Fazlalizadeh whose campaign “Stop Telling Women to Smile” came to my school. It’s been amazing to see her artwork plastered around campus.  I strongly suggest you check out the video on the front of her site.


How to Eat at College

Option 1: Steal Food

This is by far the best option.

Maybe it’s the expensive tuition and board, maybe it’s my college scholar attitude, but this school is making me an entitled little prick. Yes, I’m talking about all the food I steal from the dining hall.

Oh, perhaps you thought I was talking about something else–the way I’ve abandoned my family and only send them monthly updates on my life via email newsletter, or the way I spit on homeless people now that my two weeks of a college education makes me better than them. Continue reading

Drama in the Communal Bathroom

Communal bathrooms suck. Being an only child, I’m not used to have other people’s problems inhabiting my living space. Finding someone else’s triple strength acne cream half squeezed out in the sink isn’t a great start to a morning. People leave their hair stuck to the shower walls and curled up in the drain like a dead muppet. Communal bathrooms are a disgusting place.

One of our stalls is by the window, which is conveniently stuck open. If you use that toilet, mooning the third floor of the neighboring building is inevitable. I pity the girls who haven’t yet figured this out.

Continue reading

College is entirely about drugs–even if you don’t do them

When I arrived at campus, I received some very mixed messages from my school about drug and alcohol use. I attended a mandatory talk about how both were unsafe and mostly illegal, and promptly discovered that my school sells vanity shot glasses from its bookstore. And this isn’t just a little joke shelf. It’s an stand alone aisle of shot glasses and beer mugs emblazoned with our logo. How’s that for confusion? On top of this, marijuana is decriminalized in the state of Massachusetts, and yet, if found on a government funded campus such as mine, is a federal offense again. Since the state of Massachusetts is 90% federally funded university, effectively, marijuana isn’t decriminalized at all. Continue reading

Welcome to Boston

This city confuses me. I walk around campus, and I smell dog shit, but I never see it. It’s like it exists somewhere in the ether, piles of dog shit buried behind the veil of the dream world, with only their stench bleeding into reality. There are also far more cigarette butts on the ground than in  California, and far more runners than at home (I’m the only runner on the ground, usually hyperventiliating). These are two things that probably shouldn’t exist at the same time, and yet somehow, in Boston, they can. Health nuts in California have to do the whole sha-bang: running, weights, no smoking or drinking, kale chips, motivational youtube videos. But health nuts in Boston can pick and choose. I like this place.

There isn’t much difference between East Coast kids and West Coast kids, except for one thing. East Coast kids love Chipotle. In this godless age of internet games and unnecessary piercings, Jesus has been replaced by Chipotle. Continue reading