A talk on the phone with Mom inevitably begins with asking for money. It’s not that I’m short on money, quite the opposite in fact for a college student, I just didn’t have enough money on my debit card in this instant to buy an online textbook. Plus, I need that money for weed. After the exchange of financial information, the conversation turns to more motherly things, because mine is the stereotypical Jewish mother, and we’re not even Jewish.
Are you sure you don’t need me to send you money, dear? I heard college students buy lots of pots. That’s for plants, right? I’m glad you understand the importance of gardening.
When I arrived at campus, I received some very mixed messages from my school about drug and alcohol use. I attended a mandatory talk about how both were unsafe and mostly illegal, and promptly discovered that my school sells vanity shot glasses from its bookstore. And this isn’t just a little joke shelf. It’s an stand alone aisle of shot glasses and beer mugs emblazoned with our logo. How’s that for confusion? On top of this, marijuana is decriminalized in the state of Massachusetts, and yet, if found on a government funded campus such as mine, is a federal offense again. Since the state of Massachusetts is 90% federally funded university, effectively, marijuana isn’t decriminalized at all. Continue reading →
The hippies have got me. I’m writing this between shoving batches of kale chips into the oven, with an edition of Adbusters open at my side. I haven’t written on this blog in weeks, and since this seems to be a developing pattern, I think I’ll stop apologizing for it now. In nine days, I will be arrive at college, the fabled land beyond the misty mountains and pine trees that as of now, remains solidly in the world of fantasy. That’s nine days before this blog changes from a home for my off-color complaints and criticisms of a small town, to my off-color complaints and criticisms of a large city and school. So I will now join the ranks of the college bloggers (perhaps the flakiest variety). I’ll be complaining about shaving in communal bathrooms while 34% of the population doesn’t get to attend university at all. It’s good to maintain a perspective. Continue reading →
I was minding my own business, just sitting outside during my 15 minute legally required break.
“Legally required” is always stressed when my coworkers disappear for thirty minutes at a time.
I was out on the patio with my newspaper (fine, my iphone) enjoying a relaxing bowl of soup (20% off), when one of the neighbors walked up. Being a neighbor, he spends more time in the store than most of the employees. He was carrying a bottle of tequila to take to the party going on down the block. Not for the other party-goers, but for him. Realizing, and rightly so, that he wasn’t supposed to carry a half-full bottle of Hornitos inside, he asked me to watch it for him. I obliged.
So there I was, eating my soup and reading the news in front of the store, with a bottle of tequila sitting on the table in front of me.
I was going through my clothing and rooting out the items I will never again wear, and my Slytherin shirt ended up in the pile. That’s when I got to thinking. I may not be a nerd anymore. I certainly haven’t been viewed as one by society–my high school–in at least a few years. In fact, “cool” people have even expressed interest in being my friend (until they got to know me, that is). This all comes as a revelation because not only did I at one point fit the modern definition of “nerd” but also the antiquated one.
There are two definitions for “nerd” as given by the New Oxford American Dictionary. Continue reading →
I have a dilemma, but before I describe it, you need backstory.
I am made of contradictions. The fabric of my being is made of contradictions. I could go all deep on you about this, but I’m going to keep this rant straightforward. For instance, my father is a sport fisherman, but I am allergic to fish. Both of my parents had pilot’s licenses for small aircraft, and yet I had never been in any plane until two months ago. There’s a word for this sort of contradiction, but I’m completely blanking on what it is. Anyway, both of these facts are amusing little throwaway remarks I pull out at parties to make an impression. They’re very near and dear to me.
But perhaps the biggest contradiction of my life is this. I am a penny-pincher, and yet I am a musician. These two descriptions should not go together. If they were a venn diagram, they would look like this: Continue reading →