Tag Archives: funny

In which I poop on your party

Okay, so if there’s one thing I hate, it’s people who throw parties for themselves. I hate the parties that they throw, because you can guarantee that they’ll be downers. It’s just the epitome of narcissism.

I say as I write on my personal blog.

I say as I write on my personal blog.

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Great! An excuse to talk about how painfully single I am!

So today’s daily prompt is:

He’s (She’s) So Fine

What was it that drew you to your significant other? Their blue eyes? Their ginger countenance? Their smile? Their voice?

What are you talking about Daily Prompt? Even if I had a significant other they wouldn’t be significant.

I love it when this kind of thing is the daily prompt because a) I get to talk about how painfully single I am (surprise surprise) and b) I get to read defensive posts by other bloggers  that can be summed up by “I don’t need no man”.  What’s really great is that when you go onto the Daily Post’s post for this, most of the pingbacks contain the words “forever” and “alone” (like this one, which won first place by including both). The Daily Post really does not know its audience. I attribute this fact to two things. One, us bloggers are losers, and two, those with enough mad skillz to have significant others are too busy trying to keep them (cite bloggers are losers, above). Continue reading

If I had a hammer…I’d hammer all da boys

Let’s see… if I could learn a trade, I’d learn carpentry so I could hammer all the boys and get some wood. Electrical work would be helpful, because it’s important to know what plugs go where, if you know what I mean. I’d also learn to cook…up some lovin’. And knowing how to plumb would be nice, but I’m not going to subject you to the dirty double entendre I thought up for that one. Continue reading

I’m a world traveler now, well sort of…

I messed it all up, guys. I forgot to get a cheesesteak in Philly. I did not eat cream pie in Boston. I messed it all up. However, I did have pizza in New York, but I had pizza in all three cities so that’s not saying much.

Anyway, I went to the East Coast, and finally in a fashion where I could act like an insufferable tourist (unlike the short weekend with my school choir). My dad and I went to look at colleges. We had a hell of a time, but before I talk about the schools I looked at, I’d like to discuss the weirdest thing I saw while traveling up the Eastern seaboard. Continue reading

The Cursed Flight

So the reason I haven’t posted in a week is that I’ve been in New York singing with my high school choir. Actually, I’ve been back since Sunday, but was having a hard time writing a post about the trip because it needed to be fantastic. And how could I possibly write a post that would live up to the wild times and sheer amazingness that is New York?

I can’t. So I apologize if the next few posts on this blog consist of me vamping on various aspects of the trip. Let’s begin, shall we? Continue reading

4 Problems With Exercise

1. People see you. The reaction of the individual observing you torture yourself depends on their own body composition. If they are fat, they will feel terrible about themselves, make a remark about how they need to start working out, and resent you. If they are skinny, they will judge your body—rank sweat and all—and promptly feel better about themselves. You either piss people off or feed their ego. And in my case, people don’t need their egos fed. I wear a hoodie so people don’t recognize me. Continue reading