Tag Archives: family

Phone call with Mom

A talk on the phone with Mom inevitably begins with asking for money. It’s not that I’m short on money, quite the opposite in fact for a college student, I just didn’t have enough money on my debit card in this instant to buy an online textbook. Plus, I need that money for weed. After the exchange of financial information, the conversation turns to more motherly things, because mine is the stereotypical Jewish mother, and we’re not even Jewish.

Are you sure you don't need me to send you money, dear? I heard college students buy lots of pots. That's for plants, right? I'm glad you understand the importance of gardening.

Are you sure you don’t need me to send you money, dear? I heard college students buy lots of pots. That’s for plants, right? I’m glad you understand the importance of gardening.

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Why I feel sorry for wee Prince George

I consider myself one of the lucky ones because I was born to an entirely mediocre family whose expectations were sufficiently low enough that they would have been bragging about me to relaties if I dropped out of high school and worked at Burger King. “Yes, our daughter is working at a corporate job right now. The company is anticipating exponential growth in the next few years, as well.”

But I really feel sorry for anyone born into a royal family (or just the uber-rich), because there is no room for fucking up. Poor Prince George will be tethered to Kate Middleton’s side with a shock collar–because God knows the royals can’t be seen using a child leash Continue reading

Two embarrassing things that happened to me this week

I was minding my own business on Facebook–an oxymoron if I’ve ever heard one–when I noticed a new picture of my cousin had popped up in my newsfeed. It was of her and her boyfriend, a froggish looking fellow in a trucker cap. She had mud all over her face and looked exhilarated to be with the man she loved. He looked bored. Continue reading