Category Archives: Uncategorized

Goddamn Musicians

Being in a band makes you into an asshole, if you weren’t one already, which you probably were if you’re any sort of serious musician.

Every restaurant is a potential venue. Sure they don’t have a stage or a PA system, but the overworked and overdrawn manager needs to know that an entertainment hall would greatly benefit his business. Taking out a loan to refit the ballroom will pay off in the end, even if you’re currently serving food on paper plates because the business can’t afford new china. I know how you should run your business, nevermind that I still live with my parents and my only assets are an electric guitar and a harmonica, just believe me, man. Continue reading


Start the day out stinking

Wake up, all night these eyes strained over pixelated sound,

Sleepy, crusty, like hermit crab claws I turn over socks and bras, and find

That I have no clean underwear.

So I start the day out stinking.

I have to go to work, but first

I read the news, find things to do on the internets,

And spit out prune pits with my breakfast.

I can’t stand the stale atmosphere, so I sort of exercise

But I have a bum knee, which is alarming at eighteen.

I sort of have a band now,

So we jam in the evenings,

We all sing but only one of us well.

My life sounds really boring when not in prose.


Bloglifted from the Daily Prompt, ya’ll.




Prom <3 <3 <3*puke*

Ya gurl gunna partay at prom! Limos and dresses and underage drinking like there’s no tomorrow, amiright?

Except I’m not. Frequently asked questions:

Do you have a date?

No, because I don’t need no man. Feminism, girl power, personal self worth and shit. Actually, though, it is my dear belief that the only reason girls take dates to prom is because our dresses don’t have pockets, whereas suits do. Like seriously, I checked my jacket–the only thing I was wearing with pockets–at the coat check last year, and they gave me a little slip with my number on it. I was like, “wait, what am I supposed to do with this, though? I have nowhere to put it.” But had I had a date, I would’ve just given it to him. Boys aren’t the commodity here, pockets are. That’s right, men, if you had a date at prom, she did not actually like you. She did, however, want to fuck your pockets. Continue reading

Stranger Profiles

I really enjoy meeting new people. Like, a lot. I enjoy opening conversations with random strangers (and that, kids, is how I found out that the government is monitoring my facebook for evidence of alien interaction). My trip to the east coast was wonderful, partially because travel and college, but mainly because I talked to a lot of random people. So now I’m going to profile them.

Continue reading

Valentine’s Day Facebook Review

I feel as if I ought to write about Valentine’s Day. It’s the trending tag on WordPress, and fairly relevant seeing as today is the 14th. Since I am resolutely single (see Oh What a (Anticlimactic) Night), that post would err on the side of rational, a word starry-eyed romantics call bitter.

So I’m going to talk about zombies. Continue reading

Welcome to My Blog

Welcome to my blog

Please make yourself at home,

So I can write some random shit

That you don’t want to know.

Welcome to my blog

I’m really quite surprised

That you would ever read this

Over better ways to waste your time.

You could have gone to Tumblr,

Or Blogspot, even ghost

But instead you went through WordPress,

And you found me, your humble host.

Most blogs will clog your postfeed,

Mine won’t interfere,

Because my silly notion

Of a blog will shortly disappear.

Within days I will forget

That I ever started this account

All that’s left will be this poem

The only goal I could surmount.