Category Archives: Short Musings

A Quick Weather Report

For those of you living under a rock, perhaps you’ve heard that New England is absurd right now. Some snow drifts are taller than me, and you can sled down outdoor stairways (the dining hall looses many trays in winter weather this sustained). Any chance of celebrating Mardi Gras is out of the question right now.

There are icicles hanging from awnings right now. That’s right, icicles. For some reason, I thought this was a phenomena contained to the very far north, but apparently they’re actually a normal thing in New England. Still, I’m impressed by them.

I’m equally impressed by the locals who insist upon ordering iced coffee from Dunkin Donuts. And the fact that people bring their animals out in this weather. That’s not to mention the wild ones. We’ve had subzero windchill, and yet somehow there are still bedraggled pigeons in the train station. Some naive part of me expected (wanted?) to find fully frozen animals underneath the snow. Apparently the only ones that haven’t migrated have burrowed into the ground.

I think people should migrate, and I’m not talking about the sad march to Florida that you make when you reach retirement. I mean every goddamn winter. I want out.

I get catcalled for the first time

Last week I was catcalled. It was on the minor side: “Hey, hun, why don’t you smile?”, but a catcall nonetheless. Now, I really wanted to spin around and go all feminist on the perp’s ass. “Look, asshole, women aren’t walking down the street so you can look at our pretty faces, you can go fuck yourself.” Or something of the like. So I turned on the spot to put him in his place.

Except he was a disabled man in a wheelchair. And I wasn’t sure what to do. “Alright, dumbfuck, you have no idea what it’s like to be part of a large group of oppressed people who are only just now making large strides in equality. Nevermind that disabled people are in the exact same situation. Sure, you have no legs, but do you know what it’s like to not have equal pay? Oh wait…you do? Fuck, man…”

So instead I muttered, “Uh, I guess I’ll think about it,” and hightailed put my headphones in. A friend of mine suggested I should have said, “That was uncalled for and normally I’d go all feminist on your ass, but I’m just going to walk away.” (It’s funny because he can’t. I’m a really horrible person.)

I was also street harassed by some foreign high school boys on a bus. “Aye, you are a-very pret-ty! I would-a fuck-a that-a!” I know they were high school boys because they were hanging out the windows of a yellow school bus. I know they were foreign because of their thick accents.

I never experienced street harassment on the west coast. Maybe it’s because I lived in a small town, maybe it’s because everyone on the west coast was substantially prettier than me, but it didn’t happen to me there. The opposite happened. Once, a homeless man called me an “uptight hippy bitch”, which is an oxymoron. Which I pointed out. That was a mistake, and a story to be told another day.

This comes as a surprise because I never considered myself attractive enough to be catcalled. Turns out, that was entirely arbitrary idea, because catcalling doesn’t make you feel attractive. There’s a great artist named Tatyana Fazlalizadeh whose campaign “Stop Telling Women to Smile” came to my school. It’s been amazing to see her artwork plastered around campus.  I strongly suggest you check out the video on the front of her site.

 

Why I feel sorry for wee Prince George

I consider myself one of the lucky ones because I was born to an entirely mediocre family whose expectations were sufficiently low enough that they would have been bragging about me to relaties if I dropped out of high school and worked at Burger King. “Yes, our daughter is working at a corporate job right now. The company is anticipating exponential growth in the next few years, as well.”

But I really feel sorry for anyone born into a royal family (or just the uber-rich), because there is no room for fucking up. Poor Prince George will be tethered to Kate Middleton’s side with a shock collar–because God knows the royals can’t be seen using a child leash Continue reading

Goddamn Musicians

Being in a band makes you into an asshole, if you weren’t one already, which you probably were if you’re any sort of serious musician.

Every restaurant is a potential venue. Sure they don’t have a stage or a PA system, but the overworked and overdrawn manager needs to know that an entertainment hall would greatly benefit his business. Taking out a loan to refit the ballroom will pay off in the end, even if you’re currently serving food on paper plates because the business can’t afford new china. I know how you should run your business, nevermind that I still live with my parents and my only assets are an electric guitar and a harmonica, just believe me, man. Continue reading

Unnecessary suncreen

Picture summer: buzzing cicadas, beach towels, kids with juiceboxes, women in revealing bikinis, and lazy bike rides. Now picture summer in the Bay Area:

That's right.

That’s right.

When I picture summer I smell sad, unnecessary sunscreen and angry, freezing tourists. And as much as I hate them taking my parking places and walking in the middle of the street, I feel for them, I really do. Because they come here, from maybe the Central Valley, and maybe further, expecting sunny California, the golden state, to dish out yellow beaches and piña colada weather. Not in California del Norte, oh no. Continue reading

The high stakes world of little league

Does the Daily Post not know their audience at all? I mean, I don’t want to stereotype all of us bloggers out there (that’s exactly what I want to do), but from the travel and food blogs I’ve read on here, I don’t think we have all that many sports fans. But then again, maybe I’m just projecting.

In my day, I’ve possessed a lot of tickets to SF Giants games. Somehow, I never actually went to one. Continue reading

Anti-holiday

I take issue with the Daily Post’s Daily Prompt because I’m anti-holiday. This article on the Daily Beast pretty clearly sums up the ridiculousness that is Father’s Day, with both personal anecdote and humor. I don’t think we need another occasion to buy Hallmark cards, and the mere suggestion of another effing holiday makes me sick. Not to mention, whatever holidays people have been suggesting (Uncle Day, I’m looking at you) they probably already exist. I mean, if we have National Vinegar Day (November 1st), we probably have a designated day for every family member. Hell, if Squirrel Appreciation Day (January 21st) is a legit thing, I’d be ashamed if there were no Uncle Day. Believe me, special days for obscure family members exist. It’s just that nobody cares enough to celebrate them. Continue reading