Let’s see… if I could learn a trade, I’d learn carpentry so I could hammer all the boys and get some wood. Electrical work would be helpful, because it’s important to know what plugs go where, if you know what I mean. I’d also learn to cook…up some lovin’. And knowing how to plumb would be nice, but I’m not going to subject you to the dirty double entendre I thought up for that one.
Now that you’ve witnessed the lowest form of humor, I’m going to actually going to talk about the prompt. I possess absolutely no useful skills (unless you include being able to draw a perfectly proportional Snoopy). Once I put up a shelf, though. My dad stood behind me the entire time because he was afraid I’d drop his fancy electric screwdriver or drill my own eye out. Given my past shenanigans with electric equipment, that was a likely outcome. My parents knew I’d be mechanically incompetent when, as a three year old, I attempted to eat a pack of push-pins.
So I propose an alternative: I don’t want to learn a trade, I want to make enough money that I can pay other people to do this shit for me.