4 Problems With Exercise

1. People see you. The reaction of the individual observing you torture yourself depends on their own body composition. If they are fat, they will feel terrible about themselves, make a remark about how they need to start working out, and resent you. If they are skinny, they will judge your body—rank sweat and all—and promptly feel better about themselves. You either piss people off or feed their ego. And in my case, people don’t need their egos fed. I wear a hoodie so people don’t recognize me.

2. It has to be done everyday. It’s not “good job accomplishing your goal of doing 10 pushups” it’s “you cheated fatso, tomorrow you have to do 15”. You can’t exercise and be done for the week. There’s upkeep, and no end in sight.

3. It interferes with your shower schedule. Okay, so maybe I want to go for a run in the morning. But I can never really start my day well if I haven’t taken a shower. I have to start out clean. If I go for a run, I’ll have to take a shower afterwards, or else expose innocents to the toxic properties of my sweat. And because I’ve traded the early morning shower for the post-workout shower, I just wasn’t in the zone for my run and it could have been better. It’s self-defeating! Sure, I could work out towards the end of the day and schedule a second, nighttime shower, but what if I’m too exhausted at that point to take the shower? God forbid I fall asleep in my running shorts.

4. It’s boring. Sure, I can listen to music, but when you’re running on roadways, it’s better not to have your ears plugged. So what do you do besides move your legs back and forth? Not much. I talk to my dog on occasion, but people think I’m insane. Same thing happens with singing. There’s just nothing to do but rote motion.

Conclusion: Exercise sucks never do it.

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3 thoughts on “4 Problems With Exercise

  1. Pingback: 5 reasons why I will never be a celebrity | Thinking Diagonally

  2. Pingback: Two embarrassing things that happened to me this week | Thinking Diagonally

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