Where 7 Year Old Me Thought I’d Be at Eighteen Vs. Reality

I made a T-chart for you all.

                                7 year-old me’s expectations                           Reality

I would be a rockstar. Or something. It wasn’t particularly clear, but I would be famous for music or singing. People would fangirl over me. I play piano awkwardly and alone. Okay, so I’ve got some jamming buddies, but no one’s serious about it. I don’t have a band. Last year I had a rapper but he graduated.
I would be ridiculously hot. I’d be skinny with a great tan, and curves, and luxurious hair like in shampoo commercials. People would want to take pictures of me. I’m meh. I weigh more than I’d like to, I’m white as a snowman’s ass, and my hair texture would best be described as “moldy straw”. I take horrible photos.
I would have a perfect group of friends. They would not only be attractive, they’d be handpicked multicultural like a bad 90’s movie. In addition, we’d have varied types of individual: the party girl, the nerd, the stoner, the musician, etc etc. My friends are all weirdos. We’re sort of multicultural but none of us are attractive. None of us party, and we all fall at a 6 or 7 on the Nerd Scale. I’m the only musician.
I would have a long-term boyfriend. We would have met in our freshman year of high school and maybe been friends for too long, and finally decided to date when we were ready. Everyone would talk about how perfect we were for each other. Nobody loves me. I sort of dated a guy in sophomore year, had a camp fling, and went on a date once. I have never met anyone interesting enough to go on dates with for longer than two weeks. I vaguely blame this on “Men”, but my friends tell me it’s my fault for being picky.
I would have money. You know, because I was a rockstar. Or something. The point was, in some enterprising fashion, I would have all the money I needed, thus wouldn’t have to continue schooling. Haha…no. I want to go to college so badly but it’s so expensive and I’ve never experienced financial worry before and it’s like an iceberg is weighing on my wallet oh my gaaaaawd…
 I would be a professional equestrian on my downtime. Somehow, in addition to being a rockstar (or something) I would also be competing in the Olympics on my expensive steed Oscuro who would basically be the Black Stallion except in real life. I stopped riding competitively five years ago. Because it was expensive and because people did disgusting things to their horses. My tiny, white Arabian gelding and I plod around bareback sometimes, though.
I would have an apartment in the big city. I didn’t know what big city but I would be there. Also, note the inconsistency with horses and city. Anyway, I’d have a nice, modern apartment, and my perfect friends would feel free to drop by whenever. We’d have alcoholic beverages and jam sessions. I would go to bed late at night. I live with my parents…duh. In a very small rural town and in a very old beach cottage (that belonged to my grandmother). I rarely go to San Francisco. My friends do not come over and jam and we don’t drink alcoholic beverages. I can’t stay up past eleven.

2 thoughts on “Where 7 Year Old Me Thought I’d Be at Eighteen Vs. Reality

  1. Anonymous

    This was so clever! If I looked back on what my 18 year old self thought my life would turn out to be, I’d weep uncontrollably and have to be medicated (Oh, right. See: crying over commercials; wine every night with dinner) I was going to be a famous writer and marry Leif Garrett – but before you feel too sorry for me, Google him and you’ll see why on some level I feel I won. The only saving grace is my teenage daughter who turned out 100 times better than I could ever have imagined a child of mine being and who is more mature, realistic and grounded than I was (am) then (or now). Despite the differing details, your 7 year old self imagined greatness in your future, and here you are – an excellent writer with an amazing way of communicating. You seem very grounded and certain of who you are. More great things are coming your way – maybe even a nice modern city apartment with off-street Black Stallion parking!!


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