All I Want Is for Someone to Compliment My Accent

That’s all I want. Really, though, I just want someone to say my accent is cute. Not that I have one. But that’s a minor detail.

I figure to accomplish this, I have two options:

Option A) Move somewhere very far away.

Like England. But would a dull California accent be cute there? Probably not. Why would English people enjoy a crappy American accent when theirs are already so perfect?

So I could learn another language and move to an even more foreign country. Like Germany. German people come to America and they have cute accents, so it should work in reverse right? There’s the small of problem of learning German, but that’s a minor detail.

Option B) Affect an accent.

The immediately arising problem is that people know me as accent-less. I would be that weird kid who suddenly decided to talk in an English accent because she wanted attention. So I would have to switch schools. My favorite accent to fake is the Scottish brogue. I fancy myself rather good at it because I work with an older Scottish man. So I would definitely pretend I was from Scotland.

Of course, bringing home friends (who know me as very Scottish) to meet my very American parents would pose a problem. I could say I was adopted, which hopefully wouldn’t offend my parents. I could also simply ask them to affect accents as well, but they’re notoriously terrible at voice manipulation (not however, when it comes to angrily asking me to clean my room). “Hey Mom, would you be cool with talking to my friends only in a Scottish accent? Thank you.”

What would I do when I received the compliment? I don’t know. I guess I’d be done. Throw up my hands and go back to my high school (or America, if I chose option A). My life would never reach a high point like that again. There’d be no point in going on.

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