Valentine’s Day Facebook Review

I feel as if I ought to write about Valentine’s Day. It’s the trending tag on WordPress, and fairly relevant seeing as today is the 14th. Since I am resolutely single (see Oh What a (Anticlimactic) Night), that post would err on the side of rational, a word starry-eyed romantics call bitter.

So I’m going to talk about zombies.

Just kidding. I’m going to talk about Valentine’s Day because I am terribly unoriginal.

Here are some Valentine’s Day inspired posts that my friends (a relative term) have put on Facebook:

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY EVEN IF YOU DONT HAVE A VALENTINE YOU ARE SPECIAL AND BEAUTIFUL AND YOU WILL FIND LOVE SOMEDAY I PROMISE.

Translation: I’m trying to persuade myself.

The first time I’ve ever been sent flowers on valentine’s day! I hope everyone is having a beautiful day whether they’re spending it with loved ones or not, maybe do something special for yourself if you don’t have someone else to share this day with. Self love has just as much value
Thank you for an already beautiful day, babe! I can’t wait to see you later

This is the kind of starry-eyed romantic I was talking about earlier. “Self love has just as much value guys.” Translation: I pity you fuckers. #nopenotbragging

what matters today is all the love out there in the world. Feel the love today and be thankful for all the people in this world that care and love. Have a great day today whether it be with that special someone or your friends or family or even your dog (love ya buddy) Happy Valentines Day!! 

Translation: I’m totally definitely happy with the abstract idea of world love, and the belief that the greater community cares about me. *cries in a corner wishing they had a date*

Happy singles awareness day everyone.

Translation: Ya boi’s bitter and he wants ya’ll to know it.

But here are some of my favorites:

Life is suffering so enjoy the chocolates. Happy Valentines Day.

Want discrete sex while you fly the friendly skies? There’s an app for that.

“Mayeth I fondle your bosom most earnestly?”

Happy Valentine’s Day! Enjoy the chocolates and I hope you all have a special someone to fondle bosoms with tonight!

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